first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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