How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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