I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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