I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
