I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Damn victory sex feels great
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
