so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
