In the future we'll all be gay
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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