Don't you send me to vm
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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