dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
