She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
