I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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