During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
