I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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