1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
