So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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