i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
