I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
