My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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