just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
