Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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