The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
