Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
