why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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