You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
