the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
