I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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