Pregnant stripper...not hot.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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