last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
