having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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