I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
