why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
