I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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