My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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