bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
