I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
