I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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