Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
