Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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