it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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