I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
