Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
