thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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