Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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