i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
