Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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