yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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