Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
