have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
