.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
