Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You were trust falling into bushes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
