i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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