Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
