ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
