What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
