puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
