i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
