Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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