Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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