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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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