Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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