So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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