Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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