So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
