I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
