Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
