Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
