I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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