walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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