Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
